I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
