The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
