I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
