The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
