After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
