I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
