We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
