I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
