Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
