You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
