worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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