I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
