I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
