You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
