drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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