u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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