it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
