I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
