Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize