She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
