I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
