Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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