I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
