Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize