SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
