Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
