I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
