i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
