So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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