I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
