What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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