The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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