So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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