oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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