So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
