For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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