did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize