mondays should just be called national damage control day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
