ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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