i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
