bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
