i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
