i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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