I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
True college students do jello shots in the library
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
