Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
