i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
