mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
