remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
