mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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