I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
