she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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