she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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