there's paper in my vomit.
It was confusing and full of hummus
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Found your dick twin last night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
