I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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