What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
