the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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