feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
