i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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