I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
