Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
