I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My life is pants optional.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize