bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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