1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
