Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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