i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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