He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize