TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
