# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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