I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't notice because vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
