I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How does it feel to date your dad?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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