He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
