you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
