Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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