I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
