I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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