My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
