Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
