you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
