she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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