Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
