Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't deserve a penis
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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