i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think i have two assholes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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