Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Randomize
