I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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