we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
